Brother Adrian Klemme, a student leadership coordinator, spoke to us on Wednesday about conflict management. What's the first word that comes to mind when you hear the word conflict? I immediately thought of 3 Nephi 11:29 which states, "contention is of the devil." But throughout the lecture, I came to realize that conflict can not only be positive, but also necessary to our progression. The important part is learning how to deal with any challenges that are thrown at you. We took a "Strategies for Handling Conflict" quiz to see what strategy we tend to use in our conflict management. The five categories are:
Competing
Collaborating
Compromising
Accommodating
Avoiding
I scored highest in Compromising and Accommodating. My lowest score was in Competing. Bro. Klemme asked us to look at a packet he gave us and answer a question regarding the areas we scored both highest and lowest in. I will focus on compromising for my high score as accommodating questions are not on the handout :)
Compromising
Do you concentrate so heavily on the practicalities and tactics of compromise that you sometimes lose sight of larger issues such as principles, values, long-term objectives, or company welfare?
I hope I don't, but it could be possible. In any conflict, I try to remember Christ and what He would do. That eternal perspective definitely makes working with other people involved in the situation a lot easier. However, there are times, particularly when I'm arguing with siblings, that I am quick to forget (or as the Book of Mormon puts it, slow to remember) that the bigger picture is what really matters. Maintaining a strong friendship, earning high grades, and establishing eternal family relationships (to name a few) are far more important than the little arguments and conflicts that may come up.
Competing
Do you sometimes have trouble taking a firm stand even when you see the need?
I have really struggled with this, especially in high school. I am a naturally shy person, so swallowing my fear and taking a stand for my own opinion can be incredibly difficult for me. I also went to school with a bunch of amazing people who I felt could handle situations and lead projects so much more effectively than I could, especially in National Honors Society. That feeling of inferiority held me back from fully expressing my thoughts and contributing all I could to those activities I participated in. Here at BYU, I have forced myself to reach outside of my comfort zone and it has been an incredible blessing! I have made so many friends by walking up to random people in the Cannon Center, and I am now a committee lead for a BYUSA activity. I am still fairly hesitant about expressing my thoughts, but I am more willing to do so and more sure of my opinions now.
I also felt that I should share this from the lab on Monday. Rebekah had us write the first word that came to mind when we thought of those two words together - conflict and management. This time my first thought was of a hug. She also had us come up with a conflict management plan; this is essentially a personal list to go through to help manage your thoughts and emotions in a difficult situation. Here is my conflict management plan:
1. Take some deep breaths.
2. Say a prayer for help.
3. Think of Christ and how He would act in this situation.
4. Think of the word "HUG" which is how I want the conflict to end.
5. Place myself in the other person's position and try to gain a new perspective on the situation.
6. Ask for everyone's opinions on the conflict.
7. Repeat their positions to ensure I understood them clearly.
8. Explain my own position clearly and calmly.
That is being a leader: being able to manage yourself before heading into a tricky situation, and then helping to lead others into reaching a consensus in resolving the conflict.
