The BYU athletic director, Tom Holmoe, came to speak to us this past Wednesday about various topics. The overall topic was about teamwork, but he talked a lot about relationships, particularly the relationship a leader has with other people.
Bro. Holmoe went over 5 stages of relationships: Surface, Structure, Secure, Solid, and Significant. As a leader, I will have relationships in all five of these categories, but we should always be striving for the significant level. Here, your relationship lifts all parties involved to a level they couldn't achieve without the other person. I looked at what my relationships were with the girls in my hall, with my siblings, with my parents, with people in my classes, and other random people that came to mind. I found that I still have a ways to go before I reach the significant level in most of my relationships. One thing Bro. Holmoe said that really stuck out to me was his statement, "You have the ability to change relationships." I tend to be the person that waits around for someone to come up to me, but this really made me realize that as a leader, I need to be the one who takes the first step towards forming and building those relationships with everyone around me.
The other thing Bro. Holmoe brought up that really struck me was about two different kinds of people in the world: firefighters and firelighters. Firefighters are people who keep throwing cold water on your fire, who put you down, make you feel bad about yourself, etc. Firelighters on the other hand, are those who encourage, strengthen, and help to keep your fire lit. I have been thinking this past week about where my relationships fit. Am I a firelighter or firefighter? I hope I am a firelighter most of the time; I love helping to build people up and share that light of Christ by helping others realize that they do matter in this world.
Along these lines, we discussed the importance of surrounding yourself with firelighters. We watched a clip from the movie "Facing the Giants" where a coach inspires one of the football players to do something he didn't think was possible. As a leader I have the potential to bring out the best in people by supporting and encouraging them constantly. However, my encouragement won't mean anything to someone I have no relationship with. I also need to keep myself positive by making sure the people around me are inspiring me to reach my full potential and become a better person.
One other story that Bro. Holmoe shared was the story of Brendan Gaskins. Now I'm not going to pretend I know anything about football, so hopefully how I tell this makes sense... Essentially what happened was that Brendan decided to step down from his position as the back-up quarterback so that the team wouldn't have to be split between the other contender for his position and himself. And that is being a leader: giving up what may be beneficial for your own self for the good of the team, group, or committee as a whole. I really loved this story, and it was an excellent reminder that in working with BYUSA committees, in ward groups, in my FHE family, or really anywhere that I need to remember to focus on the goal of the group, not just on my own selfish reasons.
Please note: First off, I was not at the lab day the following Monday due to a sinus infection. Then I realized I forgot to push the publish button. So this should be from the lecture on October 5, 2011. Not the actual date the post is published on. Sorry about that!
